In a Slump

So, you have probably noticed I've been a little quiet lately. I am just in a slump. I haven't crafted much either - though I am starting to work on some projects for the 9th annual BirthMom Buds Retreat.

I'm ready for winter to be over. I'm hoping the upcoming time change and having more sunlight will help with my mood!

I'm tired of Noah having seizures (they have increased) and we don't have a cause for the increase. We are subsequently increasing the anti-seizure meds but just have to wait and see if they work.

Just wanted to let y'all know I'm still around and I'll be back as soon as I have something that isn't just whining (like this post) to say or I have created something to show you!

Edited to Add: As soon as I hit published I noticed that THIS is my 999th post! That means the next post will be my 1,000th post. WOWZERS! 

Angel Anniversary and Revelations

Seven years ago today our baby, Darcy Quinn, became an angel before she was even born. At some point, I thought these anniversary dates might become easier and I might be able to not acknowledge them but when someone grew inside of you, even if you never lay eyes on them, they are a part of you forever and I will probably always need to acknowledge that on days like today. Darcy deserves that remembrance.

This year has actually been a good one in terms of healing and growth I think. I can no longer only think of Darcy and feel sadness. I think of her and smile. Part of this is in part to watching the episode of 19Kids and Counting where Michelle Duggar lost and buried her baby Jubilee. Michelle talked about how her daughter never opened her eyes on Earth so her first view of anything was the glorious wonders of Jesus and Heaven! I cried watching Michelle talk about that but she was right, my Darcy’s first sights were in heaven. I am humbled knowing that. And I know one day she’ll be sitting there waiting for me when it’s my time and I’ll finally get to hold her in my arms.

My second revelation came after talking to another birthmother who is having trouble conceiving. Both of my pregnancies with Noah and Charlie were unplanned and my circumstances in life when I got pregnant with each of them were not the best so the pregnancies were stressful trying to figure out what to do. No one congratulated me and I didn’t celebrate those pregnancies.

I longed for a planned pregnancy where my life was in the right circumstances for a baby, where people would congratulate me, and my pregnancy would be filled with planning a nursery, choosing a name, having a baby shower, and dreaming of my baby.

With Darcy, I got that dream. I had a planned pregnancy. My life was in the right circumstances. People congratulated me. People sent cards and were already buying gifts. Baby shower plans were already underway. It was night and day different compared to my other pregnancies. It was bliss……

And then her heart stopped beating and it all changed in a minute. But you know what? Although I never carried that pregnancy to term, although Darcy was never actually born, I got my wish. I had the planned pregnancy in the right circumstances filled with love, well wishes, and congratulations. That is something I will never forget. I will never forget how good it felt. And that’s something special that Darcy gave. And since I’ll probably never be able to get pregnant again, it will remain something special just between Darcy and I.

So, yes my heart does hurt on days like today but it also smiles for what I gained and what Darcy gave me.  

Five Minute Friday: Community

It’s Friday – the day where I join other bloggers and take five short minutes to just write from the heart. Five Minute Friday is hosted by Gypsy Mama and this week’s prompt is COMMUNITY. 


How perfect is this week’s prompt of community! Along with my BFF and some other wonderful women, I have helped build a community of birthmothers from all over the place called BirthMom Buds. Though I don’t write about it very often on this blog, ten years ago I gave birth to and placed a baby boy in an open adoption and while it’s a bittersweet journey, I find myself proud to be a birthmother and more importantly proud to be a member of a community of such amazing women. 

On Thursday of next week, I will head to Charlotte, North Carolina where I will join other women from the birthmother community for our annual retreat full of sharing, listening, learning, laughter and probably a few healing tears.


This also explains my absence from blogging lately as I've been finishing up some last minute type things. I honestly probably won’t blog much until I am back! This year’s theme is a fiesta, so appropriate since it falls on the weekend of Cinco de Mayo. It’s been fun planning the décor though I haven’t been able to share it here but I will be able to once it’s all over!


So, I am ready – ready for a weekend of community and to hug the necks of some of these amazing women that I only have the pleasure of seeing once a year and some I have yet to meet face to face!

Mamarazzi Defined

I always get a good chuckle when people tell me not to forget pictures when something big or semi-big is going to be happening. I chuckle because I take my camera almost everywhere with me. Seriously, I think it drives J nuts sometimes! My camera even has a name. (It’s Sonia in case you were wondering.) And sometimes I even have two cameras with me!

My Dad has calls me the Mamarazzi. When he sees me walking towards him and Noah with my camera, he’ll say “Noah, here comes the mamarazzi!”

If you have never heard of a Mamarazzi, quite simply it’s the Mom version of the paparazzi.  Quite simply it is the Mom version of paparazzi.

I love the Urban Dictionary’s definition of Mamarazzi.

1. Mothers who constantly follow their children around with several cameras snapping photos at each turn and documenting each milestone or event with at least two dozen photos.
2. Groups of aforementioned mothers
3. When referring to yourself as described above 

Yep, sounds like me!

Being Real

It’s Friday – the day where I join other bloggers and take five short minutes to just write from the heart. Five Minute Friday is hosted by Gypsy Mama and this week’s prompt is REAL. 

The first thing I thought of when I saw that this week's prompt was the word real is a song called What if we were Real by one of my favorite {Christian} artists, Mandisa.

The chorus says,
“We keep tryin to make it look so nice
And we keep hidin' what's goin on inside
But what if I share my brokenness
What if you share how you feel
And what if we weren't afraid of this crazy mess
What if we were real?”

I think sometimes as women, wives, and Moms we are afraid to be 100 percent real. We feel like we are supposed to be multi-tasking with a smile on our faces and have it all together but truthfully, no one has it all together all the time. But this song reminds me that it is OK to be real, that we should be real. It's OK to hurt, cry, and be afraid.

I have tried really hard in the past couple of years to be real on this blog especially in regards to Noah and the trials and triumphs of raising a child with special needs. I’ve shared good times and bad, laughter and tears, and fears as dreams. It’s not always easy to be real and admit that things aren’t perfect or even near perfect all the time but I feel in being real I will be able to connect with others on a deeper level and will gain healing through my writings.

What if we were all real and transparent? Then no one would have a reason to feel bad because they’d see not everyone has it all together all the time!

In closing, I invite you to listen to Mandisa’s song, What if we Were Real?

One Little Word 2012

Last year around this time of the year I saw many bloggers posting about choosing one little word to focus on for the year. This year, as 2011 rolled around to a close, I began to think of a word that would be a good focus word for me for 2012.

Ultimately, I have decided upon on breathe.

I decided on this word for many different reasons. Let me give you some scenarios of instances in which I want to remember this word……

When spring baseball starts and I’m watching Noah and my Dad round the bases through the lens of my camera and I have a huge smile on my face, beaming at my boy, I want to think to myself “breathe” and breathe in the moment. I want to breathe in that moment and store it in my heart for safe keeping.

When Paisley is barking, dinner is burning, the microwave is beeping, Noah is fussing, it’s raining, and J is running late, I want to think to myself “breathe” and get through the moment.

At the end of a busy day after a long day of multi-tasking, I want to soak in a hot bubbly bath and breathe in the solitude.

In May, after a hectic and slightly stressful time of planning the annual BirthMom Buds retreat, I want to remind myself to deeply breathe and let myself enjoy what has been planned.

I’m naturally a sort of high strung person. This year, I want to slow down, breathe, enjoy and soak in tender moments with family and friends. I want to slow down and breathe through the stressful moments.

I've signed up to take Ali Edwards year long One Little Word class at Big Picture Scrapbooks and am excited about it. I'll be periodically sharing the journey with all of you.

Have you chosen a word for 2012?

Edited to add: I completed my first layout for the One Little Word class. Check it out here!

The Best Birthday

This was probably the best birthday ever - I'm telling ya, they seem to get better as you get older! Ha! My hubby started the weekend off with birthday waffles, my BFF surprised me with a visit, my Noah gave me the best gift a Momma could ever receive, I got to craft and shop, I had dinner at one of my favorite restaurants with my parents, and got to spend time with them. My phone was blowing up all weekend with texts, phone calls, voice mails, and emails. I was spoiled with nice thoughtful gifts, cards, and a delicious owl cake. It was just a good weekend - the only thing that could have made it better was if my brother and Holly had been here!

Here's a little birthday collage.....

I am so very blessed!

Are you Ready for Some Football?

College football season is upon us! The first game of the season for “my” team (it’s the team of my hubby and son so I assume it’s mine too by default) is Saturday. I have a love/hate relationship with football……

Actually, hate is too strong of a word; I should use dislike. Ok, so I dislike football because from now until the season is over our Saturdays are ruled by the football schedule, more importantly the Clemson football schedule.  If you were to call me and say, “Hey, Coley, do you want to inert-chosen-activity-here on Saturday?” I’d respond with, “Hang on and let me go look at the football schedule.” Seriously, I do and would!

Secondly, if our team should lose (eek, the four letter L word!) J turns into Mr. Grumpy Pants. And while I will always love Mr. Grumpy Pants, I don’t like him. (In the interest of full disclosure, it should be noted that I did know that J was a Clemson football fanatic before we even went on our first date so I wasn't blind sided by this later on in the relationship.) Lastly, I don’t know much about the actual game of football and I don’t really understand it. My brother is appalled by this because we pretty much grew up AT football games and he doesn’t understand how I can’t know much about the game. But I’ll get to why in a second.

I love football season/games for the social aspect of it. My parents are die hard Mississippi State University Fans and we went to games pretty much ALL the time as children growing up in Mississippi. Some of my fondest childhood memories are on that campus with my parents, brother, grandparents, aunts, and uncles. As a young (I’m talking 2-3 years old) the fun part of football games was going up and down all the steps to the bathroom! (I don't know why I found this fun, but my Mom tells me this was all I wanted to do at that age at football games.) Then as I got a bit older, the fun part of games became “cheering” complete in my MSU cheerleading outfit. (See embarrassing picture for proof!) In high school, the fun part of football games was just being there with all my friends and walking the track scoping out the boys. Now, the fun part of football games is either the tailgating , having friends over,  going places to watch the game, and making fun/cute food to enjoy during the game. So now, can’t you see that I was always way too busy doing other things during football games to actually pay attention and learn the basics of football!?!

Happy football season, friends! May your team always win…. Just as long as they aren’t playing ours!

MIA Last Week, Busy this Week

So, you may have noticed that the past week I have been unusually quiet........  That would be because I have been SO sick. I don't want to get too graphic into what all was going on because it wasn't pleasant so I'll just say that I was not able to keep foods down to the point that I ended up severely dehydrated and at the hospital receiving IV fluids. Those IV fluids have really perked me up and I seem to be feeling better. I'm still feeling weak but at least I am now improving!

I have fallen behind on housework and the usual Mom/wife stuff since I have been sick so (although I do have to give a shout out to my wonderful J for doing such an amazing job juggling things while I was sick - he washed almost all of the laundry over the weekend!) so some of this week will be spent resting, recovering, and catching up on what I have fallen behind in, but I'm also hoping that this week I will be able to post another project I finished for my creative studio soon and then finish up some smaller projects in there and share those with you soon. This week, we also have to get Noah ready to go back to school. His first day back is Monday so that means a small shopping trip sometime this week for new shoes that I promised him and Open House at school on Thursday.

What's on your agenda for this week?

My Creative Studio

Over the next couple of weeks, I'll be showing you different projects that I have completed for my "creative studio" but I thought I might better explain what the creative studio is first! 


We have a spare room in our house and when we moved in J pretty much gave me free range of the room saying we could do whatever with it. We knew it needed to be a partial office and house the computer but I also thought it would be a great place to store my craft supplies and have my own place to craft. 


But calling the room an office sounded blah and calling it a craft room sounded blah too so I came up with "creative studio. Just perfect because if I'm crafting Im obviously being creative and a lot of times when I'm on the computer I'm creating by writing so it works or maybe using my Silhouette. 


My fave color is teal and it is already in multiple rooms in our house so I was trying to NOT use teal in the creative studio. I started going with pink and green but hadn't done very much at all. But the more I looked at the little bit of pink and green in there, the more I realized it just was NOT me. I wasn't being true to who I am, what I like, and what my style has become. So I have decided to go with teal, black, and white. I was totally inspired by this room  and have decided on using different black and white patterns along with teal. I've been working on some of the smaller things like a bulletin board and frames. I'll be sharing those things as I complete them. 

This is a little a snippet of what I'm working with and where I'm going


I am excited to get the room decorated and organized so I can begin creating things for holiday craft fairs!

Home is a Feeling

It’s Friday – the day where I join other bloggers and take five short minutes to just write from the heart. Five Minute Friday is hosted by Gypsy Mama and this week we’re writing about home.


When we think of the word home we typically think of our physical houses, residence, or where we live. 
But to me, home can be so much more than that. Home can be a way you feel. There are many times I feel “at home” but I’m not in my physical home. 


At an amusement park with my family, I feel at home.....
Crafting and hanging out with friends, I feel at home.....
Going on road trips with my boys, I feel at home.....
Browsing through my favorite store, I feel at home.....
Holding my honey’s hand in the car, I feel at home.....
Listening to a sermon at church, I feel at home.....
Being surrounded by family and friends, I feel at home.....
At a Miracle League game snapping pics of my baseball player, I feel at home.....


Home means so much more to me than just a structure or a dwelling. It’s not so much about a building, it is totally a feeling. It’s a sense of security, a sense of comfort, and a sense of feeling loved, safe, protected, and appreciated. Our physical dwellings are just temporary homes but the feelings of being home are something we can take with us no matter where we go.

Would you Go Backwards in Time?

Every Friday, I'm joining other bloggers for 5 Minute Friday (hosted by Gypsy Mama) to take just five uninterrupted minutes to write from the heart. 

This week's prompt: Backwards.

Do you ever wish you could go backwards in life? Ya know, go back in time and fix the mistakes you made. 

This actually has been on my heart a lot lately so it's ironic that today's prompt is backwards. 

I have made a lot of mistakes and errors in my life. Those mistakes have caused me and some of my loved ones pain, grief, and sadness. But you know what? I don't know if I'd want to go backwards and get a total do over. Although I'm far from perfect, I like the person I have become. I am content and happy with this place in life. I'm strong and I know it. I was made for this life and I know that too. While there are trials and tribulations, I have many many blessings that outweigh those. 

If I were to go backwards and get a do over - would I still be me? Would I still have gone through everything I went through and be in this same spot in life? I don't know the answers to that. 

One of my favorite scriptures is Jeremiah 29:11. 

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

While I don't think God necessarily intended for me to make the mistakes and errors in life that I did, once they were made and I turned to him, he led me to this place in my life. 

If anything, I'd love to go backwards for a brief second, back about 10-15 years ago and hug the younger version of me and tell her eventually she's gonna be just fine. 

Every Day Reflections

Every Friday, I'm joining other bloggers for 5 Minute Friday (hosted by Gypsy Mama) to take just five uninterrupted minutes to write from the heart. 

This week's prompt: Every Day

Every day I strive to be a good Mother, wife, friend, Christian, daughter, sister, etc. 


Every day I am faced with trials and tribulations as well as triumphs and victories.


Every day I look into my son's eyes and see so much more than others may see. I see miracles. I see determination. I see strength. I see love and innocence. I see that in him every. single. day. 


Every day I realize that I am blessed and have more than others. Every day I give thanks to God for all that I have. I am grateful. But every day I also experience grief, sadness, sorrow, loss, guilt, and pain. But I push forward, work through my issues, and count my blessings. 


And every day, I remind myself I was made for this. I can do this. I can overcome the challenges. And almost every day I do. 

Busy Bee

Over the next month my posts will probably get less frequent. This is my busy time of the year. Every year, the weekend before Mother's Day in BirthMom Buds hosts a retreat for birthmothers in Charlotte, North Carolina. It is such an awesome and healing time for all of the birthmothers who are able to attend.


For the main event of the retreat, the Birthmother's Day Celebration, we decorate the room according to the retreat theme for the year, which means I get busy at this time of the year working on centerpieces and decor as well as adminstrative type stuff like creating the program and a slideshow. While I try to do as much as I can ahead of time, there are somethings that can't be done too far in advance making this crunch time. 


The theme for this year's retreat is Breakfast at Tiffany's. I have some neat ideas planned but can't share them just yet. But I promise to share lots of pics of the centerpieces and what not when it's over!

So, if you notice my posts are less frequent, don't worry, we are fine; I'm just busy preparing for our retreat!

Walking with Noah

In my last post, I mentioned that I have been taking walks for exercise. I have been doing this in the late afternoons/early evenings so I can take Noah with me. I get extra exercise when I'm pushing the wheelchair up and down hills (because he is HEAVY!) and Noah loves it so that makes it a win win situation. 


Not very far from our house is a baseball field where one of the local high school teams practices and has games. It's close enough for us to walk but far enough for it to be worth the walk exercise wise so Noah and I have been walking to the field. He is in love with all things baseball at the moment (and starts the spring season of Miracle League Thursday!) so we have been walking to the field every afternoon/early evening and watching the team practice and play. There is one little area where he can see pretty good and is flat so I push him to that little area and let him watch. 


It's been good and fun for both of us! 


(Pictures taken by J when we went on a family walk on a nearby walking path when he was off work)

Update on Healthy Eating Goal

Back in January I shared with you some personal goals for 2011. My biggest goal for the year was to start living a healthier lifestyle by eating better and exercising. Although I don't really consider this a "diet" I knew that loosing weight would be a part of this goal. 


Thus far, I feel like I am doing really well with this goal! I have changed a lot of what we are eating by buying healthier and low fat foods. I've been counting calories (using Spark People to do this), trying new recipes, taking walks (with Noah!), and doing some exercise videos. (Love the Dance the Inches Off series - it doesn't even really feel like exercising!)


My friend, Monika, and I have become accountability partners and that has been SO helpful. It really helps to have someone who is supportive and trying to make many of the same lifestyle changes as you are. So, thanks Monika! 



Thus far, I've lost 22 pounds! I will admit there are weeks where it has been frustrating only losing a pound or two but I keep reminding myself that these are positive lifestyle changes I'm making and that loosing small amounts of weight over a long period of time is better than quickly loosing a lot of weight as they say it's easier to keep it off when you lose it slowly.  


I still have a ways to go before I hit my goal weight but I'm excited at the changes I'm seeing so far. I feel better, have more energy, and ultimately I think that combined makes me a happier, healthier person which in turn makes me a better wife, Mom, friend, etc. 

Goals for 2011

I'm not really one of those who makes "New Year's Resolutions" because often times I feel that I set myself up for failure with those. I have made some goals for 2011.


First of all, I want to try and eat healthier. Notice I didn't say "loose weight" although that is certainly what I would like for the consequence of watching what I eat to become but I'm hesitant to make "loosing weight" a goal because I feel like I'm setting myself up for failure. (I'm 34 - I know what works with me by now!) But I do want to start eating healthier, exercising, and ultimately shed some pounds. In conjunction with that, I want to try one new recipe every other week.  And I plan on sharing those recipes that are keepers with you hear on the blog. I also have a healthy eating "buddy" who is also wanting to make some lifestyle changes regarding her eating habits so we are hoping we can encourage one another. 


Secondly, I want to organize my studio/office. In all honesty, it's not that bad. But it could be better. The office/studio houses all my photography equipment, office stuff, craft supplies, and things for BirthMom Buds. That's a lot to go in one little room but it can be done. The closet in the studio is crappy. It has no shelves. J bought the wood to make the shelves yesterday and I painted them today so I am already well on my way to organization in the studio,


Thirdly, I want to see one of the manuscripts I've written or co-written come to complete fruition and be published in book format. Getting there will require some work on my part, but I have a weekly plan for that. 


Fourth, I want to recognize and acknowledge the little things in life. I was totally inspired by this post about a simple glass of ice water. Too often I get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life and this year I want to stop and take the time to recognize the little blessings that we often take for granted. 


Lastly, I want to write more and grow my photography business more. I already have a couple of things in the works photography wise for spring. And just in the past few days, I've been writing more so now I just need to keep that up. 


It feels good to start the new year off with some goals and plans for following them through. Do you have any goals for 2011?

A White Christmas!

I have lived in the South my entire life and have never experienced a "White Christmas." I've always wanted to though, so much so that experiencing a White Christmas is number 26 on my bucket list.


Number 26 is now accomplished and gets a big huge check mark next to it because today it SNOWED!!! We haven't had a White Christmas in South Carolina since 196 and there were only 3 observances of a White Christmas ever in South Carolina so this has definitely made the record books and been fun to talk about.


There's not a lot of snow, maybe an inch or so. According to local media, one inch of snowfall on the ground constitutes a "White Christmas." All along, I've said as long as there was enough snow for me to build a baby snowman then in my eyes it counted! 


And here's my baby snowman.....

Merry Christmas!! 

Hello September!

My Laptop with the September
background featuring a picture of
 me and my Mom
from last year's birthdays.

Well, hello, September!

I don't know why I am so happy to see September this year. Perhaps it has something to do with it being the month of my birthday - and my Mom's too! Or perhaps it has something to do with the fact that with it no longer being August it feels like the summer was over and we had a rough summer. Perhaps it's because, to me, September means that fall is right around the corner and I love fall. (Although it's still hitting the 90's here in the Carolina's.

Whatever the reason, welcome September!

You were Made For This Bracelet

I received this beautiful bracelet in the mail from a couple of friends. Engraved on the heart are the words, "You are made for this" which have become my mantra since writing the "I was made for this post" a couple of months back.

Thanks girls! I will be wearing this tomorrow to remind myself that He made me for this - he made me for Noah.