Five Minute Friday: Focus

It’s Friday – the day where I join other bloggers and take five short minutes to just write from the heart. Five Minute Friday is hosted by Gypsy Mama and this week’s prompt is FOCUS.


I’ve been using the word focus in my daily life a lot lately. It’s my newest word to use with Noah. He gets distracted easily and I’ll tell him to focus on whatever we are trying to do at that moment. For example, he wants the TV off and everything quiet when he is trying to take a sip of his drink. The rest of the world isn’t going to accommodate that like I will so I’m trying to teach him to just drink anyways and I’ll say “Just focus on me, Noah. Focus on my voice and tune out the rest.” It’s working and sometimes I find myself not even having to remind him to focus.

I find myself focusing on things lately too. I’m trying to focus on the bigger picture which to me equates spending time with friends and family. Over the weekend when my BFF and family were all here for my Mom’s birthday party, I reminded myself to focus on them. My time with some of them (like my BFF, my brother, and my Aunt) is so far and few between that I knew I needed to focus on being in the moment and spending time with them and not get distracted by worrying about little things like my blog or getting on Facebook or those little distractions that are abundant in everyday life.

As we head into fall which becomes a busy season for many of us, I want to remind myself to focus on what’s important and not get bogged down by the little distractions.

The Story through my Lens

It’s Friday – the day where I join other bloggers and take five short minutes to just write from the heart. Five Minute Friday is hosted by Gypsy Mama and this week’s prompt is STORY.


As I sat here for a second, wondering what direction to take “story” different photos were popping up on my screensaver. And ya know, I think that’s probably why I enjoy taking photos so much; I'm able to tell a story every time I look through my lens and take a photo.

Take the above photo for instance, you probably just see a boy hugging an older man.....

But I see a bigger story. I see a sweet boy (MY sweet boy) with a huge heart with my Daddy. I see that little boy SO excited to see his Granddaddy even though it had only been a few days since he last saw him. I see a boy hugging his Granddaddy with a death grip and I watched through my lens as he didn't let go of his Granddaddy for at least five minutes. I see my Daddy not annoyed that he is wasting five minutes on his knee hugging his grandson, but I see my Daddy soaking it in and loving every minute of it probably more than Noah is!

My photos may not be award winning or perfectly composed but they tell a story. 

My lens allows me to capture the moment and freeze it in time but my heart remembers the stories. 

The Path Less Traveled

It’s Friday – the day where I join other bloggers and take five short minutes to just write from the heart. Five Minute Friday is hosted by Gypsy Mama and this week’s prompt is PATH.

In 2001, I was faced with a dilemma. For me, there were two paths I could take and I took the one less traveled......

When I chose to place my second son, Charlie, in an open adoption directly following his birth, I knew there would be lots of loss but I didn’t realize there would be gains as well. Because I chose that path, I became part of a community of people, the adoption community more importantly the birthmother community that I never would have been a part of if it weren’t for that choice.

I met Lani, (often referred to as my BFF on this blog) my very best, dearest friend because of adoption. She is, as she so eloquently puts it, “the sister God let me choose.” Had I not chosen the path of adoption, I wouldn’t have her in my life and that makes her very sad.

Honestly, many of my closest, dearest friends are other birthmothers and had I not chosen adoption my paths probably never would have crossed theirs.

The heart ache I initially felt after placing Charlie into the arms of his adoptive parents is what led me to find my writing voice again and what led Lani and I to start BirthMom Buds. Writing and BirthMom Buds have helped me feel useful and given me another purpose in life.

Does all of that make the hole in my heart from relinquishing Charlie smaller? No absolutely not! But it has made the path more bearable. 

Five Minute Friday: Perspective

It’s Friday – the day where I join other bloggers and take five short minutes to just write from the heart. Five Minute Friday is hosted by Gypsy Mama and this week’s prompt is PERSPECTIVE. 

Sometimes I think a lot in life boils down to your perspective; to how you see your life and your world around you. Your perspective can lead to your happiness or to your unhappiness.

Last Friday night, Noah had a huge autistic meltdown. In the course of this meltdown, a soda was thrown, I was scratched, Noah bit himself, he was crying, and I was near tears myself. I was feeling pretty down. I called my parents and got Noah calmed down, mopped up the spilled soda, and put us both to bed. When I went to bed, I was feeling pretty defeated.

I’ve never been one to let life get the best of me. Sometimes it tries to get the best of me but there are a couple of things that I tell myself in the midst of a storm to try and keep a positive perspective and outlook.

1. God never gives you more than you can handle. 
2. You were made for this.
3. Breathe. 
4. And tomorrow is a new day. 

Those simple little mantras give me hope which gives me a fresh perspective after a bad day and life is really all about how you see it.

Five Minute Fridays: Loud

It’s Friday – the day where I join other bloggers and take five short minutes to just write from the heart. Five Minute Friday is hosted by Gypsy Mama and this week’s prompt is LOUD. 


Noah's laugh is loud. And when he smiles, it’s even loud and lights up his entire face.

And when he is vocal? You can bet, it’s usually loud. In the evenings, after his bath, he usually watches a little bit of one of his videos. Sometimes I will be in a different room like the kitchen or taking my own bath and he will loudly call my name. Repeatedly. And usually for no apparent reason. After about 111 times of hearing that sweet voice loudly yell “Momma” (with lots of emphasis on the second syllable) having typically checked at least twice to make sure he is indeed fine and only saying my name to say it, I usually yell back “Whaaaaatttt?” And then he will usually loudly blow me a kiss. Of course, after that kiss, I usually feel like a heel because I have just raised my voice and I waited so long to hear the actual word Momma. (He could/would only call me “Muh” for years.)

But you know what else is loud? My love for him – even when he is saying “Momma” for the 112th time!

Head over to Gypsy Mama to see what others are saying is loud. 

Five Minute Friday: A Mother's Ache

It’s Friday – the day where I join other bloggers and take five short minutes to just write from the heart. Five Minute Friday is hosted by Gypsy Mama and this week’s prompt is ACHE. 

Like every Mother (I think) I often ache for Noah to be little again. I miss the days when he was a baby or a toddler or even six or seven. But I think my reasons for that ache are more complicated than most Mothers. I ache for him to be smaller again because life was so much simpler.

When he was smaller we didn’t have to worry so much about packing up the wheelchair and taking it everywhere. He’d easily fit in a shopping cart. I didn’t have near as much back pain because he easily fit on my hip. There weren't as many stares in public because as a baby you couldn't really tell that he had Cerebral Palsy and I barely even knew what autism was then.

I sometimes also ache for more normalcy and I feel like a little bit like a bad Mom typing that. Don’t get me wrong, I love my Noah with my whole heart and soul just the way he is but I do wish that I would be taking him to the DMV next year on his 16th birthday to get his license or that I’d be helping him with college applications in a few years instead of thinking about Hoyer lifts, wheelchair vans, and Personal Care Aides.

But for now, I’m just going to breathe deeply and enjoy life with Noah because I’m sure things will get more difficult as he grows and things like lifting him and transporting him become more challenging and then I’ll ache for these days again.

Being Real

It’s Friday – the day where I join other bloggers and take five short minutes to just write from the heart. Five Minute Friday is hosted by Gypsy Mama and this week’s prompt is REAL. 

The first thing I thought of when I saw that this week's prompt was the word real is a song called What if we were Real by one of my favorite {Christian} artists, Mandisa.

The chorus says,
“We keep tryin to make it look so nice
And we keep hidin' what's goin on inside
But what if I share my brokenness
What if you share how you feel
And what if we weren't afraid of this crazy mess
What if we were real?”

I think sometimes as women, wives, and Moms we are afraid to be 100 percent real. We feel like we are supposed to be multi-tasking with a smile on our faces and have it all together but truthfully, no one has it all together all the time. But this song reminds me that it is OK to be real, that we should be real. It's OK to hurt, cry, and be afraid.

I have tried really hard in the past couple of years to be real on this blog especially in regards to Noah and the trials and triumphs of raising a child with special needs. I’ve shared good times and bad, laughter and tears, and fears as dreams. It’s not always easy to be real and admit that things aren’t perfect or even near perfect all the time but I feel in being real I will be able to connect with others on a deeper level and will gain healing through my writings.

What if we were all real and transparent? Then no one would have a reason to feel bad because they’d see not everyone has it all together all the time!

In closing, I invite you to listen to Mandisa’s song, What if we Were Real?

Tender Moments

It’s Friday – the day where I join other bloggers and take five short minutes to just write from the heart. Five Minute Friday is hosted by Gypsy Mama and this week’s prompt is TENDER. 

As a Momma I experience many tender moments and for each one I am so thankful.


Noah is often very sweet and tender hearted. He has this innocence and love about him that is just indescribable and qualities I really hope he never loses. He worries about other people  a lot, so much so that we watch what we say in front of him. For example, awhile back my Mom and I were talking on speaker phone and I asked something about a friend of hers that was about to have surgery. Noah had never met this friend of hers but instantly became concerned about her and then insisted that my Mom make her a blanket. (My Mom makes no sew fleece blankets and have given Noah many and he associates blankets with feeling bad, hospital stays, and surgery.)


I pulled a muscle in my back lifting Noah and he knows that my back is bothering me and I went to the doctor about it. Yesterday, he was being so sweet and tender with me. He kept gently rubbing my back, giving me “ouchie kisses,” and telling me to get under the covers.


I love these tender moments with my boy and tuck the memories away in my heart for safe keeping.

Vivid Memories

It’s Friday – the day where I join other bloggers and take five short minutes to just write from the heart. Five Minute Friday is hosted by Gypsy Mama and this week’s prompt is VIVID. 

I have vivid memories of my childhood. Although it took me growing up to realize it, I was blessed with two amazing parents who gave my brother and I every opportunity they could.


I remember summers at my Grandparents house, trips to Disney World, football games, birthday parties with amazing cakes made by Momma, slumber parties, movies on Christmas Eve, astronomy club meetings with my Dad, and so much more. I carry those memories with me now.

I hope that I’m providing Noah with the same type of childhood my parents provided me with. I hope he has vivid memories to carry with him as he grows. 

Brave Like a Tiger

Posing with the Tiger statue at Clemson

It’s Friday – the day where I join other bloggers and take five short minutes to just write from the heart. Five Minute Friday is hosted by Gypsy Mama and this week’s prompt is ROAR. 



I had to giggle when I first saw the word prompt for today. The first thing I thought of is J’s text message tone on his cell phone. You see, my husband and son are both big Clemson Tiger fans. I’m talking HUGE fans – Noah’s room is orange and purple and adorned with tigers and tiger paws so when J got a new cell phone a few months back, he started looking for new ringtones and text message tones. He ended choosing a tiger roaring as his text message tone so every time he gets a text message, you hear a big “RRRRROARRRRR.” It’s actually quite annoying, especially if he forgets to turn his phone down before we go to sleep and he gets a text message. I have woken from a dead sleep to the phone roaring and for half a second I wonder if I am waking up in a jungle.

But recently, we had some tender Tiger moments. On the scariest night ever when Noah had the grand mal seizure, J and I were with Noah in an exam room in the Children’s Emergency Room at a local hospital. As the nurse was messing with Noah, he was fussing a little bit. J and I were both talking to Noah trying to get him to relax so they could do what they needed to do and check him out. J began telling him to be “brave like a tiger.” J had never used that exact expression with Noah before and I am not sure what it was about the phrase but it helped Noah calmed down. The nurse was also a huge Clemson fan so a whole conversation ensued about Noah’s Clemson room, calming and relaxing him a bit more.

A couple of days later, we were at the lab with Noah and they were trying to get blood from him. Once again, J told him to be “brave like a Clemson Tiger.” Once again, he calmed down.

My boy has been through a lot lately but he’s always brave like a tiger.

Five Minute Friday: An Unexpected Life

It’s Friday – the day where I join other bloggers and take five short minutes to just write from the heart. Five Minute Friday is hosted by Gypsy Mama and this week’s prompt is unexpected. 

Sometimes I feel like Noah's whole life has been one unexpected circumstance after another. Becoming pregnant with him was unexpected. Pregnancy complications were unexpected. An early birth was unexpected. His Cerebral Palsy diagnosis was unexpected. 

There have also been so many unexpected blessings and life lessons along the way.

Yes our lives may be different than others and they may be harder, although that's debatable, everyone has their own obstacles but there are so many little unexpected blessings along the way. I've learned to take life slower. I've learned what true love is all about, not only my love for Noah but my family's love for me. It's brought me closer to God. I've learned what sacrifice is all about. I've learned that life is never what you expect it to be.

No matter how unexpected this journey has been, I know God made me for this and I am right where I am supposed to be. 

Five Minute Friday: Extraordinary Motherhood

It’s Friday – the day where I join other bloggers and take five short minutes to just write from the heart. Five Minute Friday is hosted by Gypsy Mama and this week’s prompt is ordinary. 


Sometimes I long to be more ordinary. In some ways, I think I am ordinary or maybe average.  I’m a Mom to three children. It seems pretty ordinary until you examine things a little closer and then you may realize its “extra” ordinary.

My first child, Noah, has special needs and is in a wheelchair, doesn’t talk, etc. That’s not ordinary. That colors almost every decision and every aspect of my life and makes it extraordinary. I’m not saying it’s bad, it’s just different.

My second child, Charlie, was placed in an open adoption directly following his birth. Statistically speaking, that’s not ordinary.

And my third child, baby Darcy, became an angel before she was even born. While it does make me sad at times, I’ve come to peace with it and find it absolutely extraordinary that my first meeting with my little girl will be in heaven.

Motherhood may seem ordinary to some but to me and my children, each with their own story, it’s extraordinary.

Five Minute Friday: Growing

It’s Friday – the day where I join other bloggers and take five short minutes to just write from the heart. Five Minute Friday is hosted by Gypsy Mama and this week’s prompt is growing.

I can't believe how much my "baby boy" is growing lately! It sounds so weird just calling him a baby because he is so far from it. In fact, next month he will celebrate his 15th birthday. It's different with his special needs though - in some ways he is a typical 14 year old but in other ways he isn't. 

Physically he is on the small side but boy is he growing. I was floored to find out at his Doctor appointment the other day that he is 5 foot 3. I'm only 5 foot 4! He doesn't seem that tall since he is always sitting. He is also 71 pounds! I typically think of myself as kind of a weak (physically) but I have started thinking a little bit differently. I'm lifting a 71 pound child multiple times a day; that definitely doesn't make me weak in my book. 

Not only is he growing physically and developmentally, but I'm growing as a person and a Mother. I am such a different Mom from the one I was when he was born nearly 15 years ago. 

I don't care how much he more grows, how much taller than me he gets, or how much heavier he will become - he will always be my baby boy. 

"I'll love him forever, 

I'll like him for always, 

as long as I'm living, 

my baby he'll be."

- Adapted from Love You Forever by Robert Munsch

Five Minute Friday: Just Friends

It’s Friday – the day where I join other bloggers and take five short minutes to just write from the heart. Five Minute Friday is hosted by Gypsy Mama and this week’s prompt is in real life.

I love the opportunities for meeting people via the internet. I have connected with other bloggers and other crafters. I have connected with other birthmothers and other parents of special needs kiddos. I have been able to receive more support and meet more people in situations similar to mine because of the internet. I don’t think I could meet the variety of birthmothers and parents of special needs children in a real life support group versus the mass numbers I have been able to get to know online.

My birthson turns 10 in 11 days. Just weeks after he was born and placed with his adoptive parents in an open adoption, I turned to the internet looking for support. I began an online friendship with another birthmother, Lani. We supported each other via email and phone calls and months later, met for the first time “in real life.”

Around the time our kids turned one, we decided birthmothers needed a central place where we could go and meet other birthmothers for support. Thus, BirthMom Buds was born.

Through BirthMom Buds, I have been able to meet SO many birthmothers. I consider many of these women some of my closet, dearest friends. I have been lucky enough to meet some of these dear friends “in real life” while others I haven’t had the privilege yet. But regardless of whether we have met “in real life” or not, we are supportive of one another. We are friends. Just friends with no “in real life” or “online” before it.  Just friends who are all so different but yet share a common bond and are there for one another.

Five Minute Friday: Older

It’s Friday – the day where I join other bloggers and take five short minutes to just write from the heart. Five Minute Friday is hosted by Gypsy Mama and this week’s prompt is older. 


My birthday is less than a month away and I will be growing another year older. So far, growing older hasn't bothered me that much. I mean, it's just a natural part of life and not much I can do about it so I try not to grumble about it too much. Besides, as I grow older I feel like I just grow into "me" more.

But with Noah, it's different. My big fear is him growing older. It's scary and it's unknown territory, uncharted waters. I am sure some of it is the normal feelings that every Mother has when their baby is growing up. They fondly remember the days when their "baby" was actually a baby and may long for them again. But for the most part, for me, I don't think it's that.

Asa my friend's children get older, they will worry about college, their children moving out, career paths, their child getting married and eventually they will celebrate becoming grandparents. My worries won't be exactly the same. As Noah gets older, he gets heavier. There is going to come a time in which I can no longer lift him, what then? He won't go to college, instead we are already discussing vocational centers for disabled adults. He will go to one on those. And he'll always remain with us.

On the bright side, I won't have some of the same headaches that some of my friends will as their children grow older. I won't have to worry about how to pay for college or if he is behaving in his first apartment. My worries will be different.

But for now, I will continue to try not to worry too much about the future because I want to cherish today.

Photo: One of my favorite pictures from Noah's birthday last year.

Five Minute Friday: New Baby, New Mom

It’s Friday – the day where I join other bloggers and take five short minutes to just write from the heart. Five Minute Friday is hosted by Gypsy Mama and this week’s prompt is new. 

When I think of the word new, one of my first thoughts is of a new baby. More importantly, MY new baby. With Noah technically starting high school this week, I've been thinking a lot of those early days; the days where I where he was a new baby and I was a brand new Mom.....

I was young (19) and scared but I also fell head over heels in love with my brand new baby the moment I saw him. Noah was born early and with lots of complications which later resulted in his Cerebral Palsy diagnosis and I only got to see him (but not hold him) for a quick second (which is when my Mom snapped the photo above) before he was whisked off to the NICU. Hours later, I was able to see him in the NICU and I remember just staring at this brand new little person - the brand new little person I had helped create. I was in awe and I was head over heels in love. 

Over the next few days, I visited my new baby in the NICU as much as they'd let me and as he struggled medically, I struggled with the overwhelming feelings of being a new Mother. I remember thinking at that moment, that I would do anything for that child, I'd die for him if need be and I remember being startled by those thoughts of a little person I'd just met! But that is the love of a Mother. When a child is a born, a Mother is also born. 

Years later, my feelings for my son aren't new and I'm certainly not a new Mom. I've had nearly fifteen years (ack!) to grow into this role but my feelings are just the same! I'm still head over heels for that little boy (ok, he's not so little anymore but he will ALWAYS be MY little boy!) and I'd still do anything for him. 

Writing this has brought this quote, by Maureen Hawkins to mind....

"Before you were conceived, I wanted you.

Before you were born, I loved you, 

Before you were here an hour, I'd die for you. 

This is the miracle of love." 

Five Minute Friday: Beauty Surrounds Me

It’s Friday – the day where I join other bloggers and take five short minutes to just write from the heart. Five Minute Friday is hosted by Gypsy Mama and this week’s prompt is beauty. 


Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 


To me, beauty is.....
His big smile, especially when it's something I say or do to make him smile.
Holding his hand on date night.
Texts from friends checking on me when I'm sick or feeling blue.
Staying with my parents when I'm sick even though I'm clearly old enough to take care of myself.
Creating something with my hands.
Looking at photos with bittersweet memories of precious moments.
Phone calls with friends.  
The butterfly fluttering around on my front porch. 
Home cooked meals made with love.
A puppy in a dress that makes me giggle.
A hot bath after a long day.
Being a Mom and wife. 


Beauty surrounds me but sometimes I think I'm too caught up in the living of day to day life to see it so I am grateful for these five minutes to write about what beauty means to me.

Five Minute Friday: Full

It’s Friday – the day where I join other bloggers and take five short minutes to just write from the heart. Five Minute Friday is hosted by Gypsy Mama and this week’s prompt is full.

There are where by the end of the day, I'm exhausted and left feeling empty. It's those days where nothing seems to go right that leave me feeling the emptiest; the days when Noah's behavior has been trying my patience all day long, the phone has rung off the hook, the washing machine broke, and I burned dinner. I know you have had those days too.

As a Mom and wife, sometimes it is hard for me to take time out for myself. I get so caught up in making a pretty home, taking care of my son, and my husband that at times I forget to take time out for me. I'm happy to report that I think I have actually gotten better at that over this years and I've learned that when I'm feeling empty, I need to take some time for me to fill up my tank again. I've learned that taking time out for me isn't a sign of weakness like I once thought, it's actually a sign of strength knowing when to say "Enough is enough. I need a break." And usually after a hot bath, blogging or journaling, a cup of tea, talking with my Mom or a  friend, venting to my hubby, getting some snuggles from my little man, praying, crafting, watching a movie, or just taking some "me" time, I start feeling full again.

Like anyone, I too have days where I am left weary but as a whole, when I step back and look at the big picture of my life, I'm blessed to be able to say that it is very full. My life is full of friends and family both near and far. My life is full of love. My life is full of blessings. My heart: it's overflowing it is so full of love for the family and friends I choose to surround myself with.

Grateful to be his Momma

It’s Friday – the day where I join other bloggers and take five short minutes to just write from the heart. Five Minute Friday is hosted by Gypsy Mama and this week’s prompt is grateful. 

I am grateful for so many things in my life but in light of a heartbreaking conversation with my son that I blogged about earlier in the week and other events that have been going on in the news and in life in general, I think the thing I am most grateful for at this very moment as I’m typing this post is my motherhood to my precious boy and my precious boy himself. 

I’m grateful I’m able to be a mother. I admit, I want more. We’ve tried to have more children which resulted one baby we named Darcy who went to Heaven’s nursery before she was even born and then two more miscarriages after that. But I’m coming to the realization that more children aren’t necessarily in the cards for us. And that’s ok. I will be grateful that I am a Mother and just be the best one I can to my Noah. 

And my Noah…. Gosh, where do I begin with how grateful I am that he is my son? I have made many mistakes along the way but he is just amazing all the same. Sometimes I just watch him sleep and my eyes fill with tears and I think, “how did I end up this blessed.”  And there are times where being his Mother is SO hard. When he is in the middle of an autistic meltdown, I think “why me?” But then I remember those moments where I am overwhelmed at how blessed I am to be his Mother and it gets me through. 

I am also grateful for all the things I have been able to watch him do. As the Mom of a child with special needs, I often feel like I’m present at a miracle when he does something for the first time. When he first started commando crawling, the first time he said “Mama,” when I watched him try so hard at Special Olympics in the wheelchair race; all of those were little miracles in my book and I am so grateful. 

I am so grateful and humbled that God chose me to be this little boy’s Momma. 

Home is a Feeling

It’s Friday – the day where I join other bloggers and take five short minutes to just write from the heart. Five Minute Friday is hosted by Gypsy Mama and this week we’re writing about home.


When we think of the word home we typically think of our physical houses, residence, or where we live. 
But to me, home can be so much more than that. Home can be a way you feel. There are many times I feel “at home” but I’m not in my physical home. 


At an amusement park with my family, I feel at home.....
Crafting and hanging out with friends, I feel at home.....
Going on road trips with my boys, I feel at home.....
Browsing through my favorite store, I feel at home.....
Holding my honey’s hand in the car, I feel at home.....
Listening to a sermon at church, I feel at home.....
Being surrounded by family and friends, I feel at home.....
At a Miracle League game snapping pics of my baseball player, I feel at home.....


Home means so much more to me than just a structure or a dwelling. It’s not so much about a building, it is totally a feeling. It’s a sense of security, a sense of comfort, and a sense of feeling loved, safe, protected, and appreciated. Our physical dwellings are just temporary homes but the feelings of being home are something we can take with us no matter where we go.