"This is the Stuff"

Do you ever have those days where absolutely nothing goes right and everything seems to go wrong? Today, seems like one of those days for my little family complete with massive Noah meltdown and seizures. Followed by a mini Momma meltdown once Noah was asleep.

But even in the midst of the "stuff" I'm reminded that in the middle of the mess (food on the floor thrown there during the meltdown, dog barking, messy kitchen, crying Momma) that it could be SO much worse. And I'm blessed.

And so I choose to find joy in the midst of it all. I find joy in the texts and notes from friends, from songs that feel like they were written for me, for outlets, an understanding husband, parents who will listen when I vent, amazing friends, and a God who loves me in spite of it all.

I leave you with this song which felt like it was written for me tonight.........

Quote of the Week: Love

"Let all that you do be done in love."
1 Corinthians 16:14

Reminder: You Were Made for This

Sometimes I need a little reminder......

Since writing the original "I was made for this post" back in May this has become my motto for all things in my life. (I even have a bracelet that sports this motto.) It might seem silly to some but it just reminds me that no matter what obstacles come my way or my family's way God made us for each of the challenges and triumphs in our life. 

I was made for this. 

PS. Taking this photo and the reminder was fun so you might be noticing more. ;)

 Click here to find out the story behind my mantra, "You were Made for This."

Click here to see more of my "You were Made for This" photo series. 

This Momma's Prayer

In just a little bit we will drive to the hospital for Noah's surgery. It's very scary and my heart just wants to hold my baby tight and never let another doctor touch him but my head knows that isn't what Noah needs so forward we go.

I am comforted constantly by my God and his promises. He made me for this. He will be with my Noah. 

This is my prayer for Noah today......

Heavenly Father,

Please watch over my precious son today,

You have always done this anyway.

All alone on the operating table he appears to be, 

But in my heart, I know there are angels human eyes can't see.

Please guide the doctors hands just right,

And never let them out of your sight.

If my baby's afraid, please keep him near,

With you in his heart, he will have no fear.

I anxiously pace the waiting room floor,

Waiting for the doctor to come through the door.

My faith is in You and I know everything will be just fine,

Because you are always with me and this child of mine.

Amen

Prayers, Prayers, Prayers Please

Surgery is tomorrow! Ack!! I'm ready and I'm not ready all at the same time. Does that make sense? I hate that Noah has to go through this and it's scary and unchartered territory for all of us but I know in my heart it's the right thing to do, the best thing for Noah's health and well being and I know God will be protecting him during this surgery.

I'm a big believer in the power of prayer and find comfort in knowing that so many people are praying for my boy. I know some people like to get real specific with their prayer requests - my Mom is one of those people. She does a great job at articulating what specifics should be prayed for and she did this in an email to some of her family and friends earlier this week. Since she did such a great job of specifying what to pray for I am just going to share pieces of that email with you....



Please pray for Noah to emotionally do well through this. He has been told of the surgery now but I don't think it's really "clicked" and am not sure that it will till we are at the hospital Friday morning. 


Please pray for Noah's strength and stamina. Pray that God envelope him with love and comfort.


Please pray for those traveling to be with us for surgery.

Please pray for us, his family and loved ones, that we will be able to comfort him. Please pray for us to make it through the waiting process during the surgery. Pray that we hold on to God's peace and assurance through out the ordeal. Pray for our strenght both spirtually and physically. 


And pray for the surgeons- for them to be well rested and "sharp" on the day of the surgery. And let their skills triumph! 


Pray that the surgery will improve Noah's health status. And that the recovery goes well. Pray for all attending to his recovery. 


We realize God answers all prayers, just sometimes not as we requested. Pray that we be able to deal with the outcome, no matter what it is. For in the end we must pray for God's will.


So, dear readers, THAT is what you can pray for!

Photo: Orange ribbon Lani made. We'll be wearing orange tomorrow in honor of the No-No! 

Quote of the Week: God's Promises Shine

"Let God's promises shine on your problems." 

~ Corrie Ten Boom

You Were Made for This

I have been in a mood lately. I've been angry - not at anyone in life specifically but just at the situation in my life. I'm angry that Noah has to have this upcoming surgery. Kind of petty I guess because it is not anything that any of us can control but I still am just angry that he has to go through this. It's all made me moody lately and I have just been dreading what is about to come.

I had an "ah ha" moment earlier in the week. Once again, bedtime has become a huge battle for Noah and I. Once he finally gives in, I creep downstairs quietly, enjoy some tea, and try to decompress as I watch something I had DVRed earlier in the week. So, I was watching the girls night of American Idol. Lacey Brown was about to sing and they were running a little pre-recorded piece where she was talking about what she does before she sings and she said that she tells herself "I was made for this." She said her Mom has always told her,  "You were made for this."

It just sorta clicked then and there. I was made for this. No, being the Mom of a child with special needs isn't easy and it's not fun, but I really do think it was in His plan. He made me for this life, my life. He made me for this situation. He made me for Noah.

Immediately two verses were brought to mind, one of which is a long time favorite.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful." 

~ Psalm 139; 13-14

And the second verse brought to mind, one of my all time favorites:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
~ Jeremiah 29:11

So, while I might not be loving this upcoming chapter of my life, for some reason it's in His plans. He made me for this, he knows I will make it through it and be stronger on the other side. With Him I can do this. I can fulfill His plans because I was made for this. 

~

Edited to Add: Since writing this post, I have fully embraced "You were Made for This" as my mantra and even took it on as a photography project taking different photos in different settings with my mantra. Click here to see all the photos thus far.

I'm Held

There is a song called Held by Natalie Grant, that I listened to over and over and over and over again right after we lost Darcy, our baby who died before we even held her in our arms. A fellow birthmother and friend, Amy, had shared that song with me before I even was pregnant with Darcy and after I lost Darcy I thought of the song. 

Those were dark days –those first two weeks after I lost Darcy - I was such a mess. J’s Mom and Dad were both in the hospital, it was summer but luckily Noah was in summer camp, and I was just a grieving mess and could barely function - just getting out of bed to take a shower felt like a major chore. My poor J was pulled in so many different directions working, dealing with his own grief, trying to take care of me and Noah, be there for his parents, etc. Thankfully, we have supportive family and friends because I don’t think we could have made it through that time without them.

So in those two weeks, I probably listened to Held at least 50 times. Every morning when Noah left for camp, the house was empty and I would turn on the song and sit there and either sing it or just sob and listen or some combination of both. I’d listen to it repeatedly until I had no tears left to cry. (Not many people know that and I now just shared that little secret with anyone who has access to a computer!)

I was angry with God at that time in my life. I had done things right. I was married, I planned that pregnancy unlike the others and it hurt so bad to lose that baby. Somewhere deep inside of me though, when I heard those lyrics, I was comforted.

After about two weeks of listening to Held daily and just being an emotional, grieving mess, I felt a little bit of peace. I told myself that enough was enough. Noah needed and deserved a good Momma, J needed a wife, my parents needed a daughter, my friends needed a friend, and so on….. It was time to join the land of the living again. I put the song away, got out of bed that day, and made spinach lasagna. J came home and had the most surprised look on his face when he saw me putting the lasagna in the oven. He gave me a kiss and said “you’re back.” I was – I was back. I was different, but I was back. Of course, the grief of loosing Darcy didn’t go away and it will never go away completely but I was trying to move forward.

Ever since those dark days, I can’t listen to the song Held without crying. I’ve heard it at church a few times and on the radio a few times and would have to switch it quickly before the tears started up.

Until the other day………

I listened to Held and for the first time while hearing the song, I didn’t sob for the baby I lost. I did get teary eyed but not until the chorus and it was for a totally different reason.

This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know that the promise was when everything fell we’d be held

It struck me listening to those words…. In my darkest days, when I was angry at God, he was still right there holding me. When I made that decision to get out of bed and participate in life again, it wasn’t my brain talking, it was God in my heart talking. He held my heart and he led me to healing.

That song will always remind my heart of the baby that I never held but now it will also remind me that as a child of God, I am always held.

The Gift Tea

As many of you know, I belong to a Tea Ministry at my church. Each month, different ladies host a tea with a theme and small decorations. My Mom also belongs to this group and had signed up to host the May tea so of course, I helped.

My Mom came up with the theme of God's Gifts since the "program" portion of the May tea always revolves around the Secret Sipper (think Secret Sister) reveal. She did most of the work for this tea and came up with using simple boxes decorated with ribbons and bows so they look like presents. We added a little tulle to the middle of each table and nestled the gifts in the tulle. Our favors were decorated candy bars. (Decorating candy bars is one of my new fave things to do. Odd I know!) I added a tag with one of my favorite quotes, “What you are is God’s gift to you, What you become is your gift to God." 

I was also very proud of my Momma as she gave an abbreviated version of her testimony which includes some hard things she went through during her life. 

Here are some of the tables set up with the centerpieces........

Here's some of the candy bar favors..............

Scripture Survival Kit

I made a "Scripture Survival Kit" for my secret sister at church. It turned out very cute and was very simple!!

In case you can't read the tag, it says:

Scripture Survival Kit Toothpick: To remind you to pick out the good qualities in others. Matthew 7:1

Rubber band: To remind you to be flexible. Things might not always go the way you want, but it will work out. Romans 8:28

Band aid: To remind you to heal hurt feelings, yours or someone else's. Colossians 3:12-14 Pencil: To remind you to list your blessings everyday. Ephesians 1:3

Peppermint: To remind you that you are worth a mint. John 3:16-17

Button: To remind you to button your lip when needed. 1 Peter 3:10 Lifesavers: To remind you that the Lord is there to help. Psalm 46:1

Puzzle piece: To remind you that without God weare not complete. Prov. 14:20

I usually don't mind letting people use my tags, just so long they do it with my permission. Feel free to email me at coleybelle(at)gmail(dot)com.