Five Minute Friday: A Mother's Ache

It’s Friday – the day where I join other bloggers and take five short minutes to just write from the heart. Five Minute Friday is hosted by Gypsy Mama and this week’s prompt is ACHE. 

Like every Mother (I think) I often ache for Noah to be little again. I miss the days when he was a baby or a toddler or even six or seven. But I think my reasons for that ache are more complicated than most Mothers. I ache for him to be smaller again because life was so much simpler.

When he was smaller we didn’t have to worry so much about packing up the wheelchair and taking it everywhere. He’d easily fit in a shopping cart. I didn’t have near as much back pain because he easily fit on my hip. There weren't as many stares in public because as a baby you couldn't really tell that he had Cerebral Palsy and I barely even knew what autism was then.

I sometimes also ache for more normalcy and I feel like a little bit like a bad Mom typing that. Don’t get me wrong, I love my Noah with my whole heart and soul just the way he is but I do wish that I would be taking him to the DMV next year on his 16th birthday to get his license or that I’d be helping him with college applications in a few years instead of thinking about Hoyer lifts, wheelchair vans, and Personal Care Aides.

But for now, I’m just going to breathe deeply and enjoy life with Noah because I’m sure things will get more difficult as he grows and things like lifting him and transporting him become more challenging and then I’ll ache for these days again.