First Night Alone

It is my first night alone with Noah since the grand mal seizure aka the scariest night ever. In fact, he is all snuggly in bed with his puppy at the moment. J was off work for a week during Christmas and New Year’s and then I was still at my parents’ house until today.

I would be lying if I told you that I wasn’t a bit nervous because I am. The grand mal seizure happened while Noah was sound asleep. The myoclonic seizures he has had since the grand mal have been mostly at night as well. So nights make me nervous. I worry that I wouldn’t handle the situation very well all alone. Yes, I have the emergency syringe now but what if I don’t get it fast enough or I mess up somehow? I just have to keep reminding myself that I was made for this. I can do this.

I have had a hard time sleeping at night since the grand mal seizure. I would prefer to just watch Noah sleep. I asked a friend whose son had seizures how she slept at night and she said it was difficult but she had to remind herself that although she couldn’t be with her son 24/7, God could and it was in his hands.

So I’m reminding myself of that as well. God made me for this – he made me to be Noah’s Mom and he is watching over and with us 24/7.

It reminds me of one of my favorite verses.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 
~ Jeremiah 29:11